Recently, congress and the senate are working on passing the wonderful new law called Obama-care. This is fantastic because now everyone to include wymyn, chyldryn, the poor, the disabled, illegal immigrants, animals, plants, funguses, intelligent machines, unintelligent machines, and rocks will have access to affordable healthcare (I recently took my block of gypsum basalt in for a routine checkup). I love how Barack Obama put his name on this health care plan. I also love how when he created the Obama-phone program, he put his name on that too. I see a trend here and I think I like it. So far we have Obama-phone and Obama-Care. I say, why stop there? I think that we should petition the government to have Obama supply us with everything we need; food, water, housing, school, transportation, entertainment and air. And then we should petition the government to name it after Obama.
As you know, capitalism is a complete failure and needs to be remedied. Strict communism is the answer. That is why we need to demolish all homes from the biggest mansion to the tiniest studio apartment and start over. We need to build equal size apartment spaces for everybody and force them to live in them. I propose that we call these Obama-homes. Once you're there, what do you eat? The answer is simple: Obama-food. Every week, you would get 21 cans of Obama-food that contain all 24 essential nutrients and vitamins. There is only one flavor, and the flavor of the food is called 'Obama-flavored'. It's Obama-approved by the Food, Drug, and Obama Administration. What if you get bored? That's no problem, you can always turn on the TV and watch Obama-tainment! You like sports? You can watch your local sports team, the Los Angeles Obama play their rival, the San Francisco Obama in a rousing game of Obama-ball! My dream is that everybody will live this way. Some may argue that something like this happened in the Soviet Union. Experts have written numerous dissertations on why communism is a failure and will never work. My repsonse is simply that they are wrong and stupid.
Well that's all I have for now. As always, this is Hippie Liberal Femninist keeping up the fight for the underrepresented 99%!
Sunday, September 29, 2013
Saturday, September 28, 2013
Big Brother Knows Best
So recently, George Zimmerman was acquitted of the heinous murder of Trayvon Martin. Trayvon Martin was peacefully gallivanting along the streets of Sanford, Florida, when George Zimmerman pounced upon him and murdered him out of pure hate for black people. George Zimmerman, even though he is supposedly half-Hispanic, is being considered white by all of the media, as he should be. The white portion of George Zimmerman committed the murder, not the Hispanic person. You see, this is all easier to understand if you realize that George Zimmerman is really two people, a racist white person and an innocent oppressed person of color.
The white George Zimmerman is the one who committed the murder. When the media reported Trayvon Martin was murdered by a white man, they weren't manipulating the truth in order to expediently racialize a story in order to create a news story which would then fuel their news profits at the risk of racially polarizing the US, they were reporting the truth! Only white people are racist, and only white people commit hate crimes. What is a hate crime? A hate crime is a crime committed when hate is the motive. That's different than a normal crime, when a normal, non-racial hate is involved. Normal non-racial hate is the best kind of hate, because it's not racist.
The other George Zimmerman was the Hispanic George Zimmerman. If George Zimmerman was attacked, let's say, by a white person, then the news story would have been "Hispanic person attacked by white person." But how can George Zimmerman be a white person in one news event and a Hispanic person in another event? This is the dual nature of George Zimmerman. Nobody knows who or what George Zimmerman really is. Is he white or hispanic? Is he a wave or a particle? Scientists have not been able to figure out the true nature of George Zimmerman. It can only be explained by the fact that George Zimmerman is really two people.
The other controversy is the Stand Your Ground law. It claims that if you are attacked, then you don't have to flee and you can defend yourself at your location. Well, I must say that this is an extremely bad thing. As you know, I support the unanimous outlawing of guns. Nobody should be allowed to own any guns whatsoever...If you are attacked, don't defend yourself. It will only make it worse, and the criminal will only want to hurt you more. People may ask, well, what about karate? Martial arts? The science of self-defense? Well I say bullshit! I will never condone the art or science of more violence. Can you believe they actually reward you for progressing in these vulgar arts of throwing punches and kicks with belts? Well I've designed a new art of self-defense. I've recently opened up a new studio dedicated to defending yourself without violence. It's called "Hippie Liberal Feminist's Studio of Non-Violent Conflict Resolution". At our studios, we teach students how to avoid and peacefully resolve conflict. For example, when students are potentially confronted with a robber, I teach them the following moves: The "curl-up in a ball and cry maneuver", the "throw cash at the assailant and hope he goes away maneuver", and the "Pee your pants and make yourself so pathetic he goes away maneuver". These are all moves which I have successfully taught students. But enough about me telling you about my newly-created form of non-martial arts, here's what my students have to say!
"My husband used to beat me up quite often...if I burnt dinner, or didn't make his drink quite the way he liked it, it would be, 'Uh-oh, punch city!'. But now that I've discovered Hippie Liberal Feminist's new form of non-violent conflict resolution, I've learned to quietly deal with it and not do anything to disturb those awkward silences at the dinner table. I can curl myself into a ball and cry in 0.8 seconds and throw cash and credit cards so hard they stick to the wall! Thanks, Hippie Feminist Liberal!" -Jane, 37, Redwood City, CA
"My boyfriend abuses me quite frequently. Whenever he gets a little rough, I just slam my face down on the table and pretend to be dead until he goes away. Hippie Liberal Feminist taught me this technique. My life has since improved dramatically." -Rita, 24, El Cerrito, CA
"Recently, the owner of our restaurant where we work made several cutbacks to benefits including cutbacks in health care and retirement due to the bad economy. He claimed that these were necessary because of lack of funds necessary to finance these options. Well I said, 'Bullshit!'. And with the help of Hippie Liberal Feminist, we staged a 'cry-in' where all of us workers locked hands and blocked the entrance to the Taco Bell that he owned and cried and pouted for hours. We also peed ourselves right by the soda machine and got this greedy fuck shut down by the health department. Thanks so much, Hippie Liberal Feminist!" -Yolanda, 47, Daly City
So there you have it. Call me at 1-800-872-7466 today and leave a message.
The white George Zimmerman is the one who committed the murder. When the media reported Trayvon Martin was murdered by a white man, they weren't manipulating the truth in order to expediently racialize a story in order to create a news story which would then fuel their news profits at the risk of racially polarizing the US, they were reporting the truth! Only white people are racist, and only white people commit hate crimes. What is a hate crime? A hate crime is a crime committed when hate is the motive. That's different than a normal crime, when a normal, non-racial hate is involved. Normal non-racial hate is the best kind of hate, because it's not racist.
The other George Zimmerman was the Hispanic George Zimmerman. If George Zimmerman was attacked, let's say, by a white person, then the news story would have been "Hispanic person attacked by white person." But how can George Zimmerman be a white person in one news event and a Hispanic person in another event? This is the dual nature of George Zimmerman. Nobody knows who or what George Zimmerman really is. Is he white or hispanic? Is he a wave or a particle? Scientists have not been able to figure out the true nature of George Zimmerman. It can only be explained by the fact that George Zimmerman is really two people.
The other controversy is the Stand Your Ground law. It claims that if you are attacked, then you don't have to flee and you can defend yourself at your location. Well, I must say that this is an extremely bad thing. As you know, I support the unanimous outlawing of guns. Nobody should be allowed to own any guns whatsoever...If you are attacked, don't defend yourself. It will only make it worse, and the criminal will only want to hurt you more. People may ask, well, what about karate? Martial arts? The science of self-defense? Well I say bullshit! I will never condone the art or science of more violence. Can you believe they actually reward you for progressing in these vulgar arts of throwing punches and kicks with belts? Well I've designed a new art of self-defense. I've recently opened up a new studio dedicated to defending yourself without violence. It's called "Hippie Liberal Feminist's Studio of Non-Violent Conflict Resolution". At our studios, we teach students how to avoid and peacefully resolve conflict. For example, when students are potentially confronted with a robber, I teach them the following moves: The "curl-up in a ball and cry maneuver", the "throw cash at the assailant and hope he goes away maneuver", and the "Pee your pants and make yourself so pathetic he goes away maneuver". These are all moves which I have successfully taught students. But enough about me telling you about my newly-created form of non-martial arts, here's what my students have to say!
"My husband used to beat me up quite often...if I burnt dinner, or didn't make his drink quite the way he liked it, it would be, 'Uh-oh, punch city!'. But now that I've discovered Hippie Liberal Feminist's new form of non-violent conflict resolution, I've learned to quietly deal with it and not do anything to disturb those awkward silences at the dinner table. I can curl myself into a ball and cry in 0.8 seconds and throw cash and credit cards so hard they stick to the wall! Thanks, Hippie Feminist Liberal!" -Jane, 37, Redwood City, CA
"My boyfriend abuses me quite frequently. Whenever he gets a little rough, I just slam my face down on the table and pretend to be dead until he goes away. Hippie Liberal Feminist taught me this technique. My life has since improved dramatically." -Rita, 24, El Cerrito, CA
"Recently, the owner of our restaurant where we work made several cutbacks to benefits including cutbacks in health care and retirement due to the bad economy. He claimed that these were necessary because of lack of funds necessary to finance these options. Well I said, 'Bullshit!'. And with the help of Hippie Liberal Feminist, we staged a 'cry-in' where all of us workers locked hands and blocked the entrance to the Taco Bell that he owned and cried and pouted for hours. We also peed ourselves right by the soda machine and got this greedy fuck shut down by the health department. Thanks so much, Hippie Liberal Feminist!" -Yolanda, 47, Daly City
So there you have it. Call me at 1-800-872-7466 today and leave a message.
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
Hugo, Girl! (Hey Cancer, Why Don't You Just Go Fuck Yourself!)
Recently, Hugo Chavez died. Now I was very sad about this, because he was my socialist idol. He took from the rich and gave to the poor. And you know what I say? Good. The rich deserve it. Every rich person who has ever existed anywhere is pure concentrated evil. They are selfish, greedy individuals who love to exploit the working class to fulfill their own desires. What has Bill Gates ever done for anybody? Does he ever contribute to any charity? No, he lives alone in an ivory tower high upon a hill where he spends all day counting his money. And poor people? They are always innocent. Nobody who is poor can ever be evil. You may ask, "well what about prison inmates? Don't they normally come from disadvantaged families?" Well, this is a prime example of the truth not being what it seems. Inmates are modern slaves who are just merely pawns of exploitation in the military-prison-industrial complex (the military-industrial complex and the prison-industrial complex just merged).
Hugo Chavez died of cancer, which is a terrible way to die. Cancer murdered this century's left wing Robin Hood, which is why I hate cancer even more. I hate cancer so much, that whenever I see a tumor, I immediately run up and punch the tumor, and then proclaim, with great anger, "Damn you cancer!! Why don't you go fuck yourself?!" It doesn't matter if there's a person on the outside of the tumor. You may have seen shirts or bumper stickers that say "F*ck Cancer". Well I am starting a new campaign to take it to the extreme...not just with cancer, but other diseases as well. I mean, why stop there? How about, "I hope you get murdered, Gonorrhea!" or "You go screw yourself, Scoliosis!" or "Eat shit and die, scurvy!". But the worst is AIDS. Ooh, how I hate AIDS. That's why I am copyrighting a new slogan for AIDS awareness. The new slogan is, "Hey AIDS, I hope somebody rapes you and gives you AIDS, AIDS!"
But the real tragedy is the death of Hugo Chavez...he instituted many programs to feed the poor, clothe the naked, and bathe the dirty. Many critics of Hugo Chavez contend that he was a notorious human rights abuser. But what the Fox News pundits fail to report was that he only abuses the human rights of those individuals who disagreed with his policies! And who are those who disagreed with his policies? Anti-Chavez activists. Anti-Chavez activists are against the policies of Hugo Chavez; in other words, they are against policies of bathing the dirty, feeding the hungry, and clothing the naked. You don't people to starve, do you? Because you must want them to be, if you hate Hugo Chavez.
Well that is all for now...once again, this is Hippie Liberal Feminist, signing off. And remember, go fuck yourself, cancer! And you too, Liberal Feminist Hippie!!
Hugo Chavez died of cancer, which is a terrible way to die. Cancer murdered this century's left wing Robin Hood, which is why I hate cancer even more. I hate cancer so much, that whenever I see a tumor, I immediately run up and punch the tumor, and then proclaim, with great anger, "Damn you cancer!! Why don't you go fuck yourself?!" It doesn't matter if there's a person on the outside of the tumor. You may have seen shirts or bumper stickers that say "F*ck Cancer". Well I am starting a new campaign to take it to the extreme...not just with cancer, but other diseases as well. I mean, why stop there? How about, "I hope you get murdered, Gonorrhea!" or "You go screw yourself, Scoliosis!" or "Eat shit and die, scurvy!". But the worst is AIDS. Ooh, how I hate AIDS. That's why I am copyrighting a new slogan for AIDS awareness. The new slogan is, "Hey AIDS, I hope somebody rapes you and gives you AIDS, AIDS!"
But the real tragedy is the death of Hugo Chavez...he instituted many programs to feed the poor, clothe the naked, and bathe the dirty. Many critics of Hugo Chavez contend that he was a notorious human rights abuser. But what the Fox News pundits fail to report was that he only abuses the human rights of those individuals who disagreed with his policies! And who are those who disagreed with his policies? Anti-Chavez activists. Anti-Chavez activists are against the policies of Hugo Chavez; in other words, they are against policies of bathing the dirty, feeding the hungry, and clothing the naked. You don't people to starve, do you? Because you must want them to be, if you hate Hugo Chavez.
Well that is all for now...once again, this is Hippie Liberal Feminist, signing off. And remember, go fuck yourself, cancer! And you too, Liberal Feminist Hippie!!
Sunday, March 3, 2013
Go Go James Franco
Recently, Danica Patrick qualified for a pole position at NASCAR. Doubtless there are some racist, sexist, ignorant red-necks who think the only pole position Danica Patrick is qualified to attend is at a strip-club, but that is just so typical of the white republican (I have so little respect for republicans, that I won't even capitalize their name!!) conglomerate who elected Bush to two terms. They love to stereotype (which is the worst kind of action anyone can do) anybody who doesn't think, act, or look like they do. That is the basic composition of NASCAR fans. They are all backwoods red-neck creeps.
So when Danica Patrick started at the NASCAR 5000 game the other day, it posed a conundrum to the status quo. No longer could the announcer say, "Gentlemen, please start your cars." he/she had to modify the announcement to be sensitive to the needs of wymyn, children, and the disabled. Who to pick to make this announcement? And what would this individual say? Well, they chose wisely by selecting none other than James Franco to make the announcement. I don't know what it is, but there is something about this kid that I like. He is equal parts James Dean, Elvis Presley, and that kid with Down's Syndrome who played Corky on ABC's Life Goes On in the early 1990s. To start the NASCAR 50000 game, he made the announcement, "Danica and gentlemen, please start your cars." Very nice and diplomatic. Not what I would have said, but still, I like it. Why? It's because he said "Danica" first and "gentlemen" second, thereby giving Danica the slight competitive edge over the male-dominated conglomerate who devote their entire lives suppressing the rights of wymyn, the disabled, animals, plants, intelligent and unintelligent machines, the LGBT community, and the disabled again. This little bit of a head start was a step in the right direction to make up for centuries of oppression of wymyn by men. Also, he put Danica on an equal plane to all gentlemen. He basically claimed that all gentlemen are equal to one Danica. You go girl!!
What would I have said? I would have said this: "Danica and the white Anglo-Saxon Protestant male chauvinistic capitalist greedy pig scum fucks, start your fossil-fuel driven environment-kiling machines supported by greedy oil companies such as Halliburton who were ran by Dick Cheney and other Bush cronies who have sent millions of our children to their death by fighting unjust, illegal, and immoral wars in Afghanistan and Iraq!" Then I would have lectured the audience for the next half-hour about wymyn's rights and LGBT rights and how all military service-members are baby-killing war criminals. And for the finale, I would have demanded that they legalize abortion.
Well, James Franco, as you know, is the master of diplomacy. Much better than I am. That is why he is James Franco. I may be smarter, but he is the fresh-faced, slack-jawed, collar-turned-up, young upstart that is rapidly becoming the voice of a generation. I say we nominate him for the spokesperson of not only NASCAR, but of the United States, and all of humanity as well. In fact, I think we should shoot James Franco into outer space so that he can become the goodwill ambassador of Planet Earth! Then he can lecture our brethren from other planets about the rights of the disabled, wymyn, children, and the LGBT community.
Well this is Hippie Liberal Feminist signing off once again!! Accept no substitutes!! Be aware of the other blogger named Feminist Hippie Liberal! She is a full time liar and bitch. I am the real deal.
So when Danica Patrick started at the NASCAR 5000 game the other day, it posed a conundrum to the status quo. No longer could the announcer say, "Gentlemen, please start your cars." he/she had to modify the announcement to be sensitive to the needs of wymyn, children, and the disabled. Who to pick to make this announcement? And what would this individual say? Well, they chose wisely by selecting none other than James Franco to make the announcement. I don't know what it is, but there is something about this kid that I like. He is equal parts James Dean, Elvis Presley, and that kid with Down's Syndrome who played Corky on ABC's Life Goes On in the early 1990s. To start the NASCAR 50000 game, he made the announcement, "Danica and gentlemen, please start your cars." Very nice and diplomatic. Not what I would have said, but still, I like it. Why? It's because he said "Danica" first and "gentlemen" second, thereby giving Danica the slight competitive edge over the male-dominated conglomerate who devote their entire lives suppressing the rights of wymyn, the disabled, animals, plants, intelligent and unintelligent machines, the LGBT community, and the disabled again. This little bit of a head start was a step in the right direction to make up for centuries of oppression of wymyn by men. Also, he put Danica on an equal plane to all gentlemen. He basically claimed that all gentlemen are equal to one Danica. You go girl!!
What would I have said? I would have said this: "Danica and the white Anglo-Saxon Protestant male chauvinistic capitalist greedy pig scum fucks, start your fossil-fuel driven environment-kiling machines supported by greedy oil companies such as Halliburton who were ran by Dick Cheney and other Bush cronies who have sent millions of our children to their death by fighting unjust, illegal, and immoral wars in Afghanistan and Iraq!" Then I would have lectured the audience for the next half-hour about wymyn's rights and LGBT rights and how all military service-members are baby-killing war criminals. And for the finale, I would have demanded that they legalize abortion.
Well, James Franco, as you know, is the master of diplomacy. Much better than I am. That is why he is James Franco. I may be smarter, but he is the fresh-faced, slack-jawed, collar-turned-up, young upstart that is rapidly becoming the voice of a generation. I say we nominate him for the spokesperson of not only NASCAR, but of the United States, and all of humanity as well. In fact, I think we should shoot James Franco into outer space so that he can become the goodwill ambassador of Planet Earth! Then he can lecture our brethren from other planets about the rights of the disabled, wymyn, children, and the LGBT community.
Well this is Hippie Liberal Feminist signing off once again!! Accept no substitutes!! Be aware of the other blogger named Feminist Hippie Liberal! She is a full time liar and bitch. I am the real deal.
Pepper Spray Got Me Down
The nationwide Occupy protests have slowed down somewhat, but my passion for fighting the dispassionate, immoral, destructive, racist, sexist, homophobic, military-industrialist, capitalist machine has not. The CEOs of all these major corporations are evil, greedy, capitalists who would love nothing more than to enslave the poor working class just so that they can make an extra dollar and buy and peddle influence in Congress in order to further their own agenda. That is why I set a newspaper stand on fire in Oakland...to send a message to those bastards. Hopefully, the CEOs of all those oil companies and banks noticed what I did and thought, "Hmm. Hippie Liberal Feminist just burnt down another newspaper stand. Maybe I should stop my evil ways."
As a radical feminist, I love to demonstrate and protest pretty much anything I can get my hands on. War in Iraq? Protested it. War in Afghanistan? Protested it. NRA? Protested them. War on Drugs? Protested it. War on carpet stains? Protested that too. We are always declaring war on things in this country. We need to stop this madness and find a peaceful resolution to carpet stains.
I took part in the Occupy Davis protests last year. I was one of the victims who was casually sprayed with pepper spray by that cop, who is nothing more than a puppet boy for the cold-hearted capitalist Bush regime. Even though Bush is no longer president, I still blame him for everything that goes wrong.
Well let me tell you that getting sprayed by pepper spray was the worst thing ever! We were persecuted for our beliefs and for who we were! Now I know how Martin Luther King felt when he was sitting in that restaurant in Alabama in 1965!! I was so traumatized by this pepper spraying event that now I can't even look at a pepper shaker without bursting into tears! When I was watching television the other day I saw a performance by the seminal 1990s group Salt-n-Pepa, I began to fear for my life!! My friends say that I have PTSD and that I should sue. So that is what I did! I have deep seated psychological wounds akin to combat veterans that only more money can heal!
I figured that I would call a good lawyer and that we would lowball the suit at first. That is why we sued the University of California at Davis for 4 billion dollars. I figured that the students and I were entitled to monetary compensation for our suffering. Pepper spray in case you don't know is a potent toxin that kills 4 million people in the United States every year. Besides the physical injuries that I sustained, there are deep emotional and psychological injuries as well. I recently learned how to walk again after being paralyzed for 2 weeks. I am also learning how to speak again and learning how to laugh and love again. Pepper spray stopped all that, but I am coming back. I used to spend most of my days crying, vivid memories of students being mildly irritated by that potent toxin seared in my memory. But my friends said, "Be strong like we know you can be! Don't let pepper spray ruin your life!" So now it is so. I'm back, I've regained full use of my legs and I've defeated pepper spray. The cops (all of whom I think should be disarmed) haven't won, but I'll explore that at another time.
Until next time, this is Hippie Liberal Feminist signing off.
As a radical feminist, I love to demonstrate and protest pretty much anything I can get my hands on. War in Iraq? Protested it. War in Afghanistan? Protested it. NRA? Protested them. War on Drugs? Protested it. War on carpet stains? Protested that too. We are always declaring war on things in this country. We need to stop this madness and find a peaceful resolution to carpet stains.
I took part in the Occupy Davis protests last year. I was one of the victims who was casually sprayed with pepper spray by that cop, who is nothing more than a puppet boy for the cold-hearted capitalist Bush regime. Even though Bush is no longer president, I still blame him for everything that goes wrong.
Well let me tell you that getting sprayed by pepper spray was the worst thing ever! We were persecuted for our beliefs and for who we were! Now I know how Martin Luther King felt when he was sitting in that restaurant in Alabama in 1965!! I was so traumatized by this pepper spraying event that now I can't even look at a pepper shaker without bursting into tears! When I was watching television the other day I saw a performance by the seminal 1990s group Salt-n-Pepa, I began to fear for my life!! My friends say that I have PTSD and that I should sue. So that is what I did! I have deep seated psychological wounds akin to combat veterans that only more money can heal!
I figured that I would call a good lawyer and that we would lowball the suit at first. That is why we sued the University of California at Davis for 4 billion dollars. I figured that the students and I were entitled to monetary compensation for our suffering. Pepper spray in case you don't know is a potent toxin that kills 4 million people in the United States every year. Besides the physical injuries that I sustained, there are deep emotional and psychological injuries as well. I recently learned how to walk again after being paralyzed for 2 weeks. I am also learning how to speak again and learning how to laugh and love again. Pepper spray stopped all that, but I am coming back. I used to spend most of my days crying, vivid memories of students being mildly irritated by that potent toxin seared in my memory. But my friends said, "Be strong like we know you can be! Don't let pepper spray ruin your life!" So now it is so. I'm back, I've regained full use of my legs and I've defeated pepper spray. The cops (all of whom I think should be disarmed) haven't won, but I'll explore that at another time.
Until next time, this is Hippie Liberal Feminist signing off.
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
OK Computard (Artificial Down's Syndrome)
Eventually, as machines and technology become more advanced, there will come a point when artificial intelligence evolves and machines will learn to think for themselves. It is important that we give equal rights and protection to our future robotic citizens. We must protect them from discrimination, give them affordable housing, and extend equal marriage rights to them. And not only must we protect the rights of intelligent machines, but we must protect the rights of unintelligent machines as well. We can't be discriminatory against those less fortunate machines who were perhaps, deprived of a little silicon in their creation?
I call them disabled machines. But the inconsiderate vulgar fuckheads at Fox News call them such things as "objects" or "machines" (but in a derogatory tone, however). However, it is up to us as civilized human beings to treat these handi-capable machines as people! We cannot discriminate against our toaster, our doorbell, our video cassette player, or our AM/FM radio alarm clock. Just because they are inanimate, doesn't mean they don't have feelings too! That is why I vote we extend equal rights to all technological beings, regardless of intelligence, sexual persuasion, or operating voltage. Is your electric shaver 110 volts or 220 volts? Does it matter? Some may go both ways, but we should love them just the same.
Do you want to marry your smartphone? Or perhaps you just want to have a one-night stand and fuck the shit out of your Roomba? Or perhaps you want to be in a menage-a-trois with an Easy-bake oven and a Speak and Spell? Most men's testicles will fit right in the battery compartment. Or perhaps you're feeling a little kinky and want to teabag your 6 year-old's Teddy Ruxpin! What I like doing is to get my DVD player and my BETAMax player to be intimate. Most people would accuse the BETAMax player of being a pedophile (since it's 1970s technology and quite old relative to the DVD player), but that's another issue that I will cover at another time.
Anyway, this is Hippie Liberal Feminist signing off, and as always, be wary of my arch-nemisis, Feminist Liberal Hippie...Ooh how I hate her. She believes the same things that I do, but she says them in a different way than I do, which is not my way.
I call them disabled machines. But the inconsiderate vulgar fuckheads at Fox News call them such things as "objects" or "machines" (but in a derogatory tone, however). However, it is up to us as civilized human beings to treat these handi-capable machines as people! We cannot discriminate against our toaster, our doorbell, our video cassette player, or our AM/FM radio alarm clock. Just because they are inanimate, doesn't mean they don't have feelings too! That is why I vote we extend equal rights to all technological beings, regardless of intelligence, sexual persuasion, or operating voltage. Is your electric shaver 110 volts or 220 volts? Does it matter? Some may go both ways, but we should love them just the same.
Do you want to marry your smartphone? Or perhaps you just want to have a one-night stand and fuck the shit out of your Roomba? Or perhaps you want to be in a menage-a-trois with an Easy-bake oven and a Speak and Spell? Most men's testicles will fit right in the battery compartment. Or perhaps you're feeling a little kinky and want to teabag your 6 year-old's Teddy Ruxpin! What I like doing is to get my DVD player and my BETAMax player to be intimate. Most people would accuse the BETAMax player of being a pedophile (since it's 1970s technology and quite old relative to the DVD player), but that's another issue that I will cover at another time.
Anyway, this is Hippie Liberal Feminist signing off, and as always, be wary of my arch-nemisis, Feminist Liberal Hippie...Ooh how I hate her. She believes the same things that I do, but she says them in a different way than I do, which is not my way.
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Liberals. We're Just Plain Better!
God. What about God? There is no God. When will people realize that religion enslaves people? Communion. Take communion for example...it's a Catholic ceremony in which the priest gives you a small bread-like disk to eat. But what is it really? It's a religious roofie. So that God can get you to trust him while he ends up ass-raping you while you're passed out on the sofa at 4 AM in the morning in a Las Vegas Hotel the night after my sister's wedding. Well, trust me, religion is a lie! There is no God! It's a fairy tale. We humans are at the center of the universe. And anybody who doesn't think so should be convinced or killed! Why not? The church did it when they tried to suppress Gailieo and Copernicus's scientific discoveries in the 1500s! Now, it's the scientists turn.
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