Recently, congress and the senate are working on passing the wonderful new law called Obama-care. This is fantastic because now everyone to include wymyn, chyldryn, the poor, the disabled, illegal immigrants, animals, plants, funguses, intelligent machines, unintelligent machines, and rocks will have access to affordable healthcare (I recently took my block of gypsum basalt in for a routine checkup). I love how Barack Obama put his name on this health care plan. I also love how when he created the Obama-phone program, he put his name on that too. I see a trend here and I think I like it. So far we have Obama-phone and Obama-Care. I say, why stop there? I think that we should petition the government to have Obama supply us with everything we need; food, water, housing, school, transportation, entertainment and air. And then we should petition the government to name it after Obama.
As you know, capitalism is a complete failure and needs to be remedied. Strict communism is the answer. That is why we need to demolish all homes from the biggest mansion to the tiniest studio apartment and start over. We need to build equal size apartment spaces for everybody and force them to live in them. I propose that we call these Obama-homes. Once you're there, what do you eat? The answer is simple: Obama-food. Every week, you would get 21 cans of Obama-food that contain all 24 essential nutrients and vitamins. There is only one flavor, and the flavor of the food is called 'Obama-flavored'. It's Obama-approved by the Food, Drug, and Obama Administration. What if you get bored? That's no problem, you can always turn on the TV and watch Obama-tainment! You like sports? You can watch your local sports team, the Los Angeles Obama play their rival, the San Francisco Obama in a rousing game of Obama-ball! My dream is that everybody will live this way. Some may argue that something like this happened in the Soviet Union. Experts have written numerous dissertations on why communism is a failure and will never work. My repsonse is simply that they are wrong and stupid.
Well that's all I have for now. As always, this is Hippie Liberal Femninist keeping up the fight for the underrepresented 99%!
Sunday, September 29, 2013
Saturday, September 28, 2013
Big Brother Knows Best
So recently, George Zimmerman was acquitted of the heinous murder of Trayvon Martin. Trayvon Martin was peacefully gallivanting along the streets of Sanford, Florida, when George Zimmerman pounced upon him and murdered him out of pure hate for black people. George Zimmerman, even though he is supposedly half-Hispanic, is being considered white by all of the media, as he should be. The white portion of George Zimmerman committed the murder, not the Hispanic person. You see, this is all easier to understand if you realize that George Zimmerman is really two people, a racist white person and an innocent oppressed person of color.
The white George Zimmerman is the one who committed the murder. When the media reported Trayvon Martin was murdered by a white man, they weren't manipulating the truth in order to expediently racialize a story in order to create a news story which would then fuel their news profits at the risk of racially polarizing the US, they were reporting the truth! Only white people are racist, and only white people commit hate crimes. What is a hate crime? A hate crime is a crime committed when hate is the motive. That's different than a normal crime, when a normal, non-racial hate is involved. Normal non-racial hate is the best kind of hate, because it's not racist.
The other George Zimmerman was the Hispanic George Zimmerman. If George Zimmerman was attacked, let's say, by a white person, then the news story would have been "Hispanic person attacked by white person." But how can George Zimmerman be a white person in one news event and a Hispanic person in another event? This is the dual nature of George Zimmerman. Nobody knows who or what George Zimmerman really is. Is he white or hispanic? Is he a wave or a particle? Scientists have not been able to figure out the true nature of George Zimmerman. It can only be explained by the fact that George Zimmerman is really two people.
The other controversy is the Stand Your Ground law. It claims that if you are attacked, then you don't have to flee and you can defend yourself at your location. Well, I must say that this is an extremely bad thing. As you know, I support the unanimous outlawing of guns. Nobody should be allowed to own any guns whatsoever...If you are attacked, don't defend yourself. It will only make it worse, and the criminal will only want to hurt you more. People may ask, well, what about karate? Martial arts? The science of self-defense? Well I say bullshit! I will never condone the art or science of more violence. Can you believe they actually reward you for progressing in these vulgar arts of throwing punches and kicks with belts? Well I've designed a new art of self-defense. I've recently opened up a new studio dedicated to defending yourself without violence. It's called "Hippie Liberal Feminist's Studio of Non-Violent Conflict Resolution". At our studios, we teach students how to avoid and peacefully resolve conflict. For example, when students are potentially confronted with a robber, I teach them the following moves: The "curl-up in a ball and cry maneuver", the "throw cash at the assailant and hope he goes away maneuver", and the "Pee your pants and make yourself so pathetic he goes away maneuver". These are all moves which I have successfully taught students. But enough about me telling you about my newly-created form of non-martial arts, here's what my students have to say!
"My husband used to beat me up quite often...if I burnt dinner, or didn't make his drink quite the way he liked it, it would be, 'Uh-oh, punch city!'. But now that I've discovered Hippie Liberal Feminist's new form of non-violent conflict resolution, I've learned to quietly deal with it and not do anything to disturb those awkward silences at the dinner table. I can curl myself into a ball and cry in 0.8 seconds and throw cash and credit cards so hard they stick to the wall! Thanks, Hippie Feminist Liberal!" -Jane, 37, Redwood City, CA
"My boyfriend abuses me quite frequently. Whenever he gets a little rough, I just slam my face down on the table and pretend to be dead until he goes away. Hippie Liberal Feminist taught me this technique. My life has since improved dramatically." -Rita, 24, El Cerrito, CA
"Recently, the owner of our restaurant where we work made several cutbacks to benefits including cutbacks in health care and retirement due to the bad economy. He claimed that these were necessary because of lack of funds necessary to finance these options. Well I said, 'Bullshit!'. And with the help of Hippie Liberal Feminist, we staged a 'cry-in' where all of us workers locked hands and blocked the entrance to the Taco Bell that he owned and cried and pouted for hours. We also peed ourselves right by the soda machine and got this greedy fuck shut down by the health department. Thanks so much, Hippie Liberal Feminist!" -Yolanda, 47, Daly City
So there you have it. Call me at 1-800-872-7466 today and leave a message.
The white George Zimmerman is the one who committed the murder. When the media reported Trayvon Martin was murdered by a white man, they weren't manipulating the truth in order to expediently racialize a story in order to create a news story which would then fuel their news profits at the risk of racially polarizing the US, they were reporting the truth! Only white people are racist, and only white people commit hate crimes. What is a hate crime? A hate crime is a crime committed when hate is the motive. That's different than a normal crime, when a normal, non-racial hate is involved. Normal non-racial hate is the best kind of hate, because it's not racist.
The other George Zimmerman was the Hispanic George Zimmerman. If George Zimmerman was attacked, let's say, by a white person, then the news story would have been "Hispanic person attacked by white person." But how can George Zimmerman be a white person in one news event and a Hispanic person in another event? This is the dual nature of George Zimmerman. Nobody knows who or what George Zimmerman really is. Is he white or hispanic? Is he a wave or a particle? Scientists have not been able to figure out the true nature of George Zimmerman. It can only be explained by the fact that George Zimmerman is really two people.
The other controversy is the Stand Your Ground law. It claims that if you are attacked, then you don't have to flee and you can defend yourself at your location. Well, I must say that this is an extremely bad thing. As you know, I support the unanimous outlawing of guns. Nobody should be allowed to own any guns whatsoever...If you are attacked, don't defend yourself. It will only make it worse, and the criminal will only want to hurt you more. People may ask, well, what about karate? Martial arts? The science of self-defense? Well I say bullshit! I will never condone the art or science of more violence. Can you believe they actually reward you for progressing in these vulgar arts of throwing punches and kicks with belts? Well I've designed a new art of self-defense. I've recently opened up a new studio dedicated to defending yourself without violence. It's called "Hippie Liberal Feminist's Studio of Non-Violent Conflict Resolution". At our studios, we teach students how to avoid and peacefully resolve conflict. For example, when students are potentially confronted with a robber, I teach them the following moves: The "curl-up in a ball and cry maneuver", the "throw cash at the assailant and hope he goes away maneuver", and the "Pee your pants and make yourself so pathetic he goes away maneuver". These are all moves which I have successfully taught students. But enough about me telling you about my newly-created form of non-martial arts, here's what my students have to say!
"My husband used to beat me up quite often...if I burnt dinner, or didn't make his drink quite the way he liked it, it would be, 'Uh-oh, punch city!'. But now that I've discovered Hippie Liberal Feminist's new form of non-violent conflict resolution, I've learned to quietly deal with it and not do anything to disturb those awkward silences at the dinner table. I can curl myself into a ball and cry in 0.8 seconds and throw cash and credit cards so hard they stick to the wall! Thanks, Hippie Feminist Liberal!" -Jane, 37, Redwood City, CA
"My boyfriend abuses me quite frequently. Whenever he gets a little rough, I just slam my face down on the table and pretend to be dead until he goes away. Hippie Liberal Feminist taught me this technique. My life has since improved dramatically." -Rita, 24, El Cerrito, CA
"Recently, the owner of our restaurant where we work made several cutbacks to benefits including cutbacks in health care and retirement due to the bad economy. He claimed that these were necessary because of lack of funds necessary to finance these options. Well I said, 'Bullshit!'. And with the help of Hippie Liberal Feminist, we staged a 'cry-in' where all of us workers locked hands and blocked the entrance to the Taco Bell that he owned and cried and pouted for hours. We also peed ourselves right by the soda machine and got this greedy fuck shut down by the health department. Thanks so much, Hippie Liberal Feminist!" -Yolanda, 47, Daly City
So there you have it. Call me at 1-800-872-7466 today and leave a message.
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