This week, I'm going to forego the usual blog entry format and try something new. I'm going to quickly comment on current events in a rapid fire manner. I'm going to inflict on you, the public, my views on what is happening in our world right now.
A few months ago, there was a huge debate in Texas about requiring all mothers considering abortion to get a sonogram before they commit to a decision (http://news.yahoo.com/tampons-confiscated-guns-allowed-texas-senate-debates-abortion-203200591.html?bcmt=comments-postbox). There was a huge demonstration in Austin at the capital where protestors, many of whom were handing out tampons, had those tampons confiscated. Meanwhile guns are still legal. This is total bullshit. But I would expect nothing less from these women-hating shitheads. Says one republican lawmaker in Texas: "We need to enact legislation to regulate the purchase and sale of tampons. Women cannot go around just buying tampons as they please. That is why I am passing legislation which will enact a full comprehensive background check and waiting period before the purchase of any tampon. Oh, and don't bother going to Mexico, tampons are illegal in Mexico." Women, let me tell you that I can't wait until my next period. I am going to projectile bleed all over the Texas legislature until I get my way. Perhaps you have heard of a filibuster? Well, get ready for a flowibuster! Ladies and gentlemen, get ready for a bleed-in!
Next topic: Chechnian terror bombing suspect Dzhokhar Tsarnaev on the cover of Rolling Stone magazine...(http://news.yahoo.com/bomber-rock-star-rolling-stone-cover-outrage-205944319.html?bcmt=comments-postbox)This caused a lot of controversy among many people. Well, let me tell you that I fully support Rolling Stone magazine. Any magazine that bashes Republicans such as George W. Bush and Mitt Romney and unilaterally praises all Democrats such as Barack Obama and John Kerry is okay with me. Whenever I read Rolling Stone, I always say to myself, "Finally an unbiased news magazine that unobjectively presents the facts!" I don't know about you, but Dzhokhar Tsanaev is just about the hippest, hottest terrorist right now. I admire his boyish good looks and devil-may-care personality. I've even heard that he is collaborating with Kanye West to produce an album of his manifesto set to a background of all the hottest beats produced by such luminaries as Dre and Timbaland. Without even hearing it, I've already proclaimed it to be the number one album of 2014! I like Rolling Stone...it discusses music as well as it discusses news.
Parking attendant sues drivers for feeding meters...(http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/sideshow/city-sues-robin-hood-group-over-parking-meter-223952852.html?bcmt=comments-postbox) I say, "good!" People need to stop driving. Anybody who drives needs to be punished. Anything we can do to make life more miserable for drivers is wonderful. That's why I am lobbying for the government to mandate that all new vehicles be installed with a giant spike in the seat so that when you sit on it, it'll go right up your ass. This business of feeding meters affects innocent bystanders as well...says one parking meter maid: "Because these people are depositing money into these meters, it is causing stress in me. Over the last 3 weeks, I've gained 60 lbs, developed heart palpitations, I've gone deaf in one ear, my legs stopped working, I cry more often, I don't enjoy sex anymore, I can't get an erection, I've miscarried 5 times, I've started drinking heavily, and I have terrible hives and I'm too scared to go outside. The only thing that will cure me is if I sue these people for 1 billion dollars." Well, I say, "You go, girl!" I hate the fact that you can't get an erection! You deserve every penny.
That's all for tonight...until next time, this is Hippie Liberal Feminist signing off!
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
Monday, October 14, 2013
1/256th Black Like Me
Many people don't know this, but I have my finger on the pulse of the African American community. Everything the African American contingency has experienced I can relate to as well. You see, I am an African-American. It's true. My great great great grandfather was 1/16th African. 1/16th of my great great great grandfather was brought over on a slave ship and beaten mercilessly by white slaveowners. I know, many of you may say, "Jeez, Hippie Liberal Feminist, you sure look white to me!". Well, you're wrong. How dare you degrade me. But I should know why you do this. It's because I'm black. Well, you can kiss my black ass.
So recently, when I heard that 50 Cent was visiting the Brooklyn Boys and Girls Club and giving a free concert, I was naturally pleased by this. If anybody knows the trials and tribulations of all African Americans in this United States, it's 50 Cents. He has the kind of fresh, hip-hop, urban, streetwise appeal that is rapidly becoming the voice of a generation. What's even better was the fact that he debuted some new material off his next album which is entitled "Fuck Everything". He debuted some hot new tracks, such as "Bitch Has Cancer", and "I Want To Punch You In The Vagina" featuring Lood Behavior, Ghetto-Kru, DJ Chocolate, The Original Fornicator, Bone, Thugs, and Harmony, Nigger Mortis, Rape-Master Larceny, Insane Clown Posse, and Barbra Streisand. He also had a special opening act for him, which was also a wonderful treat for the audience. He's a hot new talent from Delano, California, and his name is MC Fecal Matter. He debuted his hot fresh new cut entitled "Two Burps and a Fart" in which he samples himself burping twice and farting once and sets the melody to some phat beetz. The street date for this release is Tuesday, November 5th, 2013. It's avaiable on CD and LP. Expect to hear this fascinating track on the radio really soon. For this release, MC Fecal Matter himself personally has shat in each and every single CD case and LP sleeve.
I don't know about you, but I hope to be hearing "Bitch Has Cancer" on all the radio stations really soon. "Bitch Has Cancer" is a powerful testament to the struggle of the modern African American in the United States today. It's also in the words of 50 Cent, about "this dumb bitch I once fucked and got cancer. I was like, when I heard this, 'Good! Hope you die, dumb bitch!'" Some may say it's misogynistic, but I'm willing to look the other way when oppressed minorities display this kind of behavior. We should be easier on them. They are minorities. Their lives are hard enough as it is. White America has oppressed them. In a way, it's white America who is the "dumb bitch". I think that's what 1 Dollar and Fifty Cent is really trying to say.
Until next time, this is Hippie Liberal Feminist signing off!
So recently, when I heard that 50 Cent was visiting the Brooklyn Boys and Girls Club and giving a free concert, I was naturally pleased by this. If anybody knows the trials and tribulations of all African Americans in this United States, it's 50 Cents. He has the kind of fresh, hip-hop, urban, streetwise appeal that is rapidly becoming the voice of a generation. What's even better was the fact that he debuted some new material off his next album which is entitled "Fuck Everything". He debuted some hot new tracks, such as "Bitch Has Cancer", and "I Want To Punch You In The Vagina" featuring Lood Behavior, Ghetto-Kru, DJ Chocolate, The Original Fornicator, Bone, Thugs, and Harmony, Nigger Mortis, Rape-Master Larceny, Insane Clown Posse, and Barbra Streisand. He also had a special opening act for him, which was also a wonderful treat for the audience. He's a hot new talent from Delano, California, and his name is MC Fecal Matter. He debuted his hot fresh new cut entitled "Two Burps and a Fart" in which he samples himself burping twice and farting once and sets the melody to some phat beetz. The street date for this release is Tuesday, November 5th, 2013. It's avaiable on CD and LP. Expect to hear this fascinating track on the radio really soon. For this release, MC Fecal Matter himself personally has shat in each and every single CD case and LP sleeve.
I don't know about you, but I hope to be hearing "Bitch Has Cancer" on all the radio stations really soon. "Bitch Has Cancer" is a powerful testament to the struggle of the modern African American in the United States today. It's also in the words of 50 Cent, about "this dumb bitch I once fucked and got cancer. I was like, when I heard this, 'Good! Hope you die, dumb bitch!'" Some may say it's misogynistic, but I'm willing to look the other way when oppressed minorities display this kind of behavior. We should be easier on them. They are minorities. Their lives are hard enough as it is. White America has oppressed them. In a way, it's white America who is the "dumb bitch". I think that's what 1 Dollar and Fifty Cent is really trying to say.
Until next time, this is Hippie Liberal Feminist signing off!
Sunday, October 6, 2013
I'm a Proud PETA-phile!
Yesterday, I was at Golden Gate Fields at the horse races protesting the events. How dare we subjugate animals such as horses and make them compete in a death match against each other for our own petty amusement! Instead of racing each other, why don't we make the horses cooperate in the spirit of brotherhood and promote love and peace? Now that is something I would pay to watch!
But what astonished me the most was when I found out that if a horse breaks his/her leg, the horse is shamelessly euthanized! Now, I have no problem euthanizing elderly people who have surpassed their useful life and are taking up valuable housing space which could be used by low-income residents and undocumented migrant workers, but when it comes to animals, I have serious issues with this. Just because a horse has a broken leg, doesn't mean that he/she can't still continue to live a useful life. That is why I have decided to open up a disabled life sanctuary...because together, I believe we can make life ADA-compliant.
At my disabled life sanctuary, I have all sorts of handi-capable life forms with all sorts of mental and physical ailments. I'm currently housing a 7 year old redwood tree (male) that survived a forest fire and must now deal with the loss of his parents and siblings. He has an extreme case of PTSD and must now learn to cope with life after the loss of his family. We have this redwood tree undergoing intensive psycho-analytic therapy and I am happy to say that he seems to be dealing well, and when he is cured, we are going to set him free in the ocean, where he will finally enjoy freedom and be rid of the roots that shackle him to the Earth.
Other life forms we have here are clams with gender-identity crises, sheep with Tourette's syndrome, cats with schizophrenia, and monkeys with seizures. Recently, we also had an earthworm that was involved in a serious car accident. She/He was in the backseat in a tackle box coming back after a fishing trip. She/He was rushed to our clinic where she/he was immediately placed into traction. However, the earthworm's condition was too delicate. Too much traction was applied and the earthworm snapped in two. Luckily, we are happy to say that one of the pieces survived and this earthworm is slowly regenerating her/himself. We expect a full recovery within a few weeks.
A clam was recently admitted. He/she (clams are hemaphroditic) was an active member of the LGBT clam community. He/she wanted a sexual reassignment procedure so that he/she could become she/he. We opted for the minimally invasive option in which the clam is simply turned upside down. We are happy to say that this clam is now living her/his life with great satisfaction, giving new meaning to the term, "happy as a clam!" With help from LGBT superstar Chaz Bono, this clam is now making lots of waves.
So there you have it. Please support my cause. We are located at the corner of 45th Avenue and Sloat Boulevard in San Francisco. Oh, and go screw yourself, Feminist Hippie Liberal, you are a douche.
But what astonished me the most was when I found out that if a horse breaks his/her leg, the horse is shamelessly euthanized! Now, I have no problem euthanizing elderly people who have surpassed their useful life and are taking up valuable housing space which could be used by low-income residents and undocumented migrant workers, but when it comes to animals, I have serious issues with this. Just because a horse has a broken leg, doesn't mean that he/she can't still continue to live a useful life. That is why I have decided to open up a disabled life sanctuary...because together, I believe we can make life ADA-compliant.
At my disabled life sanctuary, I have all sorts of handi-capable life forms with all sorts of mental and physical ailments. I'm currently housing a 7 year old redwood tree (male) that survived a forest fire and must now deal with the loss of his parents and siblings. He has an extreme case of PTSD and must now learn to cope with life after the loss of his family. We have this redwood tree undergoing intensive psycho-analytic therapy and I am happy to say that he seems to be dealing well, and when he is cured, we are going to set him free in the ocean, where he will finally enjoy freedom and be rid of the roots that shackle him to the Earth.
Other life forms we have here are clams with gender-identity crises, sheep with Tourette's syndrome, cats with schizophrenia, and monkeys with seizures. Recently, we also had an earthworm that was involved in a serious car accident. She/He was in the backseat in a tackle box coming back after a fishing trip. She/He was rushed to our clinic where she/he was immediately placed into traction. However, the earthworm's condition was too delicate. Too much traction was applied and the earthworm snapped in two. Luckily, we are happy to say that one of the pieces survived and this earthworm is slowly regenerating her/himself. We expect a full recovery within a few weeks.
A clam was recently admitted. He/she (clams are hemaphroditic) was an active member of the LGBT clam community. He/she wanted a sexual reassignment procedure so that he/she could become she/he. We opted for the minimally invasive option in which the clam is simply turned upside down. We are happy to say that this clam is now living her/his life with great satisfaction, giving new meaning to the term, "happy as a clam!" With help from LGBT superstar Chaz Bono, this clam is now making lots of waves.
So there you have it. Please support my cause. We are located at the corner of 45th Avenue and Sloat Boulevard in San Francisco. Oh, and go screw yourself, Feminist Hippie Liberal, you are a douche.
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