Yesterday, I was at Golden Gate Fields at the horse races protesting the events. How dare we subjugate animals such as horses and make them compete in a death match against each other for our own petty amusement! Instead of racing each other, why don't we make the horses cooperate in the spirit of brotherhood and promote love and peace? Now that is something I would pay to watch!
But what astonished me the most was when I found out that if a horse breaks his/her leg, the horse is shamelessly euthanized! Now, I have no problem euthanizing elderly people who have surpassed their useful life and are taking up valuable housing space which could be used by low-income residents and undocumented migrant workers, but when it comes to animals, I have serious issues with this. Just because a horse has a broken leg, doesn't mean that he/she can't still continue to live a useful life. That is why I have decided to open up a disabled life sanctuary...because together, I believe we can make life ADA-compliant.
At my disabled life sanctuary, I have all sorts of handi-capable life forms with all sorts of mental and physical ailments. I'm currently housing a 7 year old redwood tree (male) that survived a forest fire and must now deal with the loss of his parents and siblings. He has an extreme case of PTSD and must now learn to cope with life after the loss of his family. We have this redwood tree undergoing intensive psycho-analytic therapy and I am happy to say that he seems to be dealing well, and when he is cured, we are going to set him free in the ocean, where he will finally enjoy freedom and be rid of the roots that shackle him to the Earth.
Other life forms we have here are clams with gender-identity crises, sheep with Tourette's syndrome, cats with schizophrenia, and monkeys with seizures. Recently, we also had an earthworm that was involved in a serious car accident. She/He was in the backseat in a tackle box coming back after a fishing trip. She/He was rushed to our clinic where she/he was immediately placed into traction. However, the earthworm's condition was too delicate. Too much traction was applied and the earthworm snapped in two. Luckily, we are happy to say that one of the pieces survived and this earthworm is slowly regenerating her/himself. We expect a full recovery within a few weeks.
A clam was recently admitted. He/she (clams are hemaphroditic) was an active member of the LGBT clam community. He/she wanted a sexual reassignment procedure so that he/she could become she/he. We opted for the minimally invasive option in which the clam is simply turned upside down. We are happy to say that this clam is now living her/his life with great satisfaction, giving new meaning to the term, "happy as a clam!" With help from LGBT superstar Chaz Bono, this clam is now making lots of waves.
So there you have it. Please support my cause. We are located at the corner of 45th Avenue and Sloat Boulevard in San Francisco. Oh, and go screw yourself, Feminist Hippie Liberal, you are a douche.
1 comment:
Hippie Liberal Feminist, you are a terrible person!!! Animals do not have souls. How do I know this? Because the Bible says so. Only humans have souls. Humans are the most special and most important thing on Earth. Animals are put on this Earth for our exploitation. The fact that millions of cows are slaughtered every year in order to meet our demand for red meat is what Jesus wants us to do! Cows are unintelligent creatures that do not have souls and do not matter. Only humans are capable of thought. One animal scientist once claimed that elephants are animals "that surpass many in thought and mind, and are exceedingly capable of emotion, thought, and problem solving ability". I told him that that was wrong, and that's not what the Bible said, so he was wrong. Recently, our pet dog died. My son was very sad about this, and asked me if she would go to heaven. I said, "NO! Animals do not have souls. Now go to your room! You were wrong to question the Bible!" He cried and cried, but deep down I think he appreciated the truth.
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