This week, I'm going to forego the usual blog entry format and try something new. I'm going to quickly comment on current events in a rapid fire manner. I'm going to inflict on you, the public, my views on what is happening in our world right now.
A few months ago, there was a huge debate in Texas about requiring all mothers considering abortion to get a sonogram before they commit to a decision (http://news.yahoo.com/tampons-confiscated-guns-allowed-texas-senate-debates-abortion-203200591.html?bcmt=comments-postbox). There was a huge demonstration in Austin at the capital where protestors, many of whom were handing out tampons, had those tampons confiscated. Meanwhile guns are still legal. This is total bullshit. But I would expect nothing less from these women-hating shitheads. Says one republican lawmaker in Texas: "We need to enact legislation to regulate the purchase and sale of tampons. Women cannot go around just buying tampons as they please. That is why I am passing legislation which will enact a full comprehensive background check and waiting period before the purchase of any tampon. Oh, and don't bother going to Mexico, tampons are illegal in Mexico." Women, let me tell you that I can't wait until my next period. I am going to projectile bleed all over the Texas legislature until I get my way. Perhaps you have heard of a filibuster? Well, get ready for a flowibuster! Ladies and gentlemen, get ready for a bleed-in!
Next topic: Chechnian terror bombing suspect Dzhokhar Tsarnaev on the cover of Rolling Stone magazine...(http://news.yahoo.com/bomber-rock-star-rolling-stone-cover-outrage-205944319.html?bcmt=comments-postbox)This caused a lot of controversy among many people. Well, let me tell you that I fully support Rolling Stone magazine. Any magazine that bashes Republicans such as George W. Bush and Mitt Romney and unilaterally praises all Democrats such as Barack Obama and John Kerry is okay with me. Whenever I read Rolling Stone, I always say to myself, "Finally an unbiased news magazine that unobjectively presents the facts!" I don't know about you, but Dzhokhar Tsanaev is just about the hippest, hottest terrorist right now. I admire his boyish good looks and devil-may-care personality. I've even heard that he is collaborating with Kanye West to produce an album of his manifesto set to a background of all the hottest beats produced by such luminaries as Dre and Timbaland. Without even hearing it, I've already proclaimed it to be the number one album of 2014! I like Rolling Stone...it discusses music as well as it discusses news.
Parking attendant sues drivers for feeding meters...(http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/sideshow/city-sues-robin-hood-group-over-parking-meter-223952852.html?bcmt=comments-postbox) I say, "good!" People need to stop driving. Anybody who drives needs to be punished. Anything we can do to make life more miserable for drivers is wonderful. That's why I am lobbying for the government to mandate that all new vehicles be installed with a giant spike in the seat so that when you sit on it, it'll go right up your ass. This business of feeding meters affects innocent bystanders as well...says one parking meter maid: "Because these people are depositing money into these meters, it is causing stress in me. Over the last 3 weeks, I've gained 60 lbs, developed heart palpitations, I've gone deaf in one ear, my legs stopped working, I cry more often, I don't enjoy sex anymore, I can't get an erection, I've miscarried 5 times, I've started drinking heavily, and I have terrible hives and I'm too scared to go outside. The only thing that will cure me is if I sue these people for 1 billion dollars." Well, I say, "You go, girl!" I hate the fact that you can't get an erection! You deserve every penny.
That's all for tonight...until next time, this is Hippie Liberal Feminist signing off!
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